how my mindset shifted at 30
external validation, negative self-talk, misalignment? we don’t know her anymore
Hi, hello. I joined the thirty club, and I’m actually excited.
Aging doesn’t scare me because I believe your soul can stay young forever. Maybe that perspective comes from my parents. They embody youth not just because of the Asian genes, but in the way they live.
My dad, the ultimate social guy, might have more friends than I do. He eats what he wants, enjoys it without guilt, and his joy radiates—a neurological boost stronger than any “perfect” diet. He’s the epitome of my logical, cool-girl side.
My mom is a bright light. She’s gone through change after change, and in the process, truly found herself. Patient, present, and endlessly loving. She keeps herself young with yoga, nutrition, nature, and her many hobbies—lately it’s gardening. She finds joy in the most ordinary things. I carry her soft, empathetic side with me.
Together, they’ve shaped my mindset that age really is just a number. Everything else depends on how you choose to see the world.
Turning 30 didn’t feel dramatic on the day itself—it felt ordinary. But the lead-up? That was a wave. It nudged me to ask who I want to be, what I want to see, and who I want beside me.
I’m not writing 30 lessons for 30 years—instead, I want to share a handful of mindset shifts that came into focus while we spent the weekend in a little cabin on Vancouver Island.
Every year I get the pleasure of celebrating my birthday close to my Virgo sister,
. It feels fitting—Libras and Virgos just get along, and I love that I share this season with her.
This year, instead of something big, we wanted intimacy. The choice was clear: a cabin trip on the island. It felt right—grounding, nostalgic, and a chance to step away from the city.
One of my favorite parts of any trip is hunting for the Airbnb. I could scroll for hours, narrowing down the options—it’s basically a design project in itself. My background in interior design (before product design) makes me love the process even more.
We landed on the perfect house in Halfmoon Bay: tucked in the forest, perched by the water, perfectly quiet.
There’s something about cabins that feels so childlike, like slipping back into comfort and simplicity. They always spark a dream in me: one day, owning a cabin retreat of my own.
Together, we slowed down. We cooked meals side by side, wandered through the forest trails, and played endless rounds of Monopoly Deal. We tried out local brunch spots, browsed the farmers’ market stalls, and picked up little things just because they made us smile.
The best parts weren’t the activities themselves, but the feeling they gave us: conversations that felt grounding, laughter that felt effortless, and the rare gift of being offline and fully present.
I’ve been learning to quiet the voice of external validation, soften negative self-talk, and notice when I’m out of alignment.
The shift is subtle but powerful: think positively, keep learning, stay calm, and trust myself more than the noise around me. Through my 20s, I battled deep scars from seeking validation that chipped away at my self-confidence. I placed my happiness in the hands of my partners—and as my therapist reminded me, that’s a lot of pressure to put on one person, someone who can change or leave at any time. Why would you give away your joy so easily?
At some point, I realized I had forgotten how to be happy on my own. So I did what I knew I needed to do: I took time back for myself. I spent the last few years building my own self-worth and confidence, strengthening the friendship I have with myself. And now? I feel invincible.
I love myself—which allows me to love others even more fully.
I trust myself—which allows me to trust the circle of wonderful humans I have around me.
That growth took time, and I let it. I released the pressure of rushing or following norms because I believe what’s meant for me will be.
Being single at 30 has never felt like a “problem” to solve. I still have so much life to live, and it feels silly to pause my journey waiting for someone else to show up.
Another reason I’m happy to be in my 30s is because I have so much more than I did in my 20s. The last five years especially have been an escalation—in my career, in self-love, in getting financially on track, in finding my people, and in building hobbies that bring me joy. I know myself so much better now.
In my 20s, everything felt like a test. We said yes to everything, tried it all, stumbled through trial and error. In my 30s, there’s balance. Saying no comes easily when something doesn’t align. Peer pressure? We don’t know her.
Your 30s make you ruthless about who you keep close.
I feel lucky to have the best support system in my friends and family. At the same time, I’ve built the ability to walk away from relationships that don’t serve me—because I love myself too much not to. It’s not about having everyone, it’s about having the right people.
Movement, laughter, joy. That’s how I’ve shaped my life to be.
I want to keep my body in motion, keep choosing happiness, and keep reminding myself that life is only as serious as I make it. The best part of growing older? I still get to be excited about what’s ahead.
I’ve built a life I don’t feel the need to escape. I’ve found a balance between work and life that feels sustainable. Could I have more? Sure, but that’s the beauty of planning the next move. Sometimes nerves and excitement feel the same, and I’m learning to embrace both.
Committing to movement, cooking at home, keeping my finances in order, and being intentional with what I own (the opposite of a hoarder) has truly changed my life. These are practices I can take with me wherever I go.
And when hiccups happen—because they always do—I know who I am. I’ll own up when I’m wrong, learn from it, and move forward. If a relationship doesn’t align, I now have the courage to step away without guilt. That clarity is one of the greatest gifts of this new decade.
Time is money, but it’s also energy and peace.
I’m learning to control what I can, let go of what I can’t, and pour myself into building a life I don’t need to escape from.
That’s how I welcomed thirty—not with a giant party or a list of lessons, but with quiet, reflection, and the people who matter. The decade ahead feels lighter, calmer, and somehow fuller. And I’m ready for it.
Grateful you’re here—see you in the next note.
Weekend snapshots
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—Janice Fong x
This resonated so deeply with me, especially as my own birthday is just around the corner. I recognised so much of myself in your words about growing into self-acceptance and quiet confidence. I may never be the most self-assured person, but with time I’ve learned to trust myself, to be gentler with my flaws, and to put myself first without guilt. There’s such freedom in that. Thank you for sharing this thoughtful piece, and happy belated birthday to you, fellow Libra <3